At a recent ComicCon convention, a vote by a nerd circus comprised of 50 high ranking nerds determined that the technical term for a male fan of the movie Twilight will be the word “faggot.” Faggots were spottted in droves purchasing the New Moon DVD right at midnite before immediately returning home to watch the piece of shit. “I had been counting down the days on my facebook status messages,” said 31 year old and faggot Tommy Lyndenfeld. Lydenfeld will tell anyone that will listen that he just likes to look at Ashley Greene, the actress that plays Alice Cullen but no one buys that shit at all, knowing that the 31 year old unmarried faggot loser is ready to go home and beat off to Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner and could obviously grab a computer if his desire was to see the actress. Anyone with a dick or a set of balls should find this movie to be as painful as a kidney stone. Any male that watches this film that is not doing it for their girlfriend or wife or kids needs to fully examine themselves and embrace the fact that they are a faggot. Now that you know that, go put some sparkle on yourselves…faggots. *Faggot does not have anything to do with sexuality, but simply a term for a male nerd who loves the movie Twilight.
Starring in his first lead role other than the Twilight saga movies, Robert Pattinson watched “Remember Me” bomb at the box office over the weekend. The film opened up 4th in total box office sales thus solidifying this film will be a complete failure. “He’s not really a vampire???!!!” said Susan Lipton, 17 who went home disappointed and even cried as she looked at the poster of her hero, realizing he was not a vamprie. Teenage girls weren’t the only ones feeling foolish because Lisa Torrens, a 39 year old mother of 2 said “he’s not really a vampire???!!!!.” This sole critique is the reason the mushed nosed, creepy nippled actor is worried that females may be on to the fact that he is not good looking. “I am considering changing my name to Edward Cullen” says the 23 year old actor. “With all those MTV Movie Awards, I just thought I was really a great actor.” Slow down there Robert Pattinson. It was the MTV Movie Awards. I think your only a few years away from truly starring in “Remember Me,” the story of your life.