Bad news for Tool fans, or A Perfect Circle fans, or Puscifer..well, nevermind. I even consider myself a Tool/APC fan, but I must merely report the news. The news is that Maynard James Keenan, just 4 years shy of the golden age of 50, is a tool. This after googling “Maynard James Keenan” and studying the many photos of the performer that are online then taking his birthdate and mathematically figuring out his style mixed with his age. The one to the right unfortunately is a RECENT photo confirming the fact that Maynard looks like this at nearly 50 years of age. The rockstar was quoted as saying “Get the fuck out of my face. I am Maynard. I’m sooooo different. I am soooo cool. Look how different I am. I’m Maynard.” Male fans like Richard Seabolt plan to stay faithful to the musical mastermind by stating “I have forgiven him for Puscifer. It’s not like I bought it or anything. I stole it off Limewire, so it’s all good, but I think he should be a man and apologize to the many fans he convinced to buy that piece of shit record.” The majority of male fans will continue to stay loyal to the musician as long as he discontinues making Puscifer records and touring with the band. Many hope that Puscifer is just a long, drawn out “Punk’d” episode. Female fans remain quiet and still ignorant to the fact that Maynard constantly degrades them in his music because he is “so cool and deep” says Grace Neman, age 28.