“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Ban Over. Navy to offer Navy Seals and Navy Starfishesisis..
Congress did away with the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy today, leaving the military to make some different decisions. The Navy immediately offered training for a new group of special ops to be known as the “Navy Starfishesisis.” The Navy Starfishesisises will be heavily trained in defense and offensive skills such as ripping enemy penises off with their mouth as well as torturing the enemy with classified sodomy. The military also will be consulting with Dolce and Gabbana, Versache, and Prada to come up with an outfit fitting and acceptable to the homosexual community.
Police Station Sandwiches***New Audio For The New Evil Genius Radio Network***Sneak Your Peak
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“People That Should Die and Rot In Hell” The Book. Now available.
Dreams can be fulfilled(partially). I wanted this to be a rip off 365 days calendar but only sent one query letter to a publishing company(a religious one by acccident) and they told me to “seek Jesus.” Now, the first of the “People That Should Die and Rot In Hell” series comes to life through Lulu and soon to iBooks and Amazon!
Gabourey Sidibe Depressed
Actress Gabourey Sidibe is depressed after making a BIG FAT IMPACT as “Precious.” The actress said no one really cares about the show about the lady with cancer and no movie roles have called for someone who weighs enough to be considered a heart attack risk. Insiders say even A list actors like Morgan Freeman, Samuel L. Jackson, Denzell Washington, and Brad Pitt refuse to work with Gabourey because “she fucking stinks like a fat mothefucker does” Samuel Jakcson said. Gabourey is rumored to be using food to cope with her depression which should soon give TLC a new “Half Ton” show to be called “Half Ton Celebrity.”
The Undertaker Praised For Funeral Arrangements Of Macho Man
The Undertaker has been quite a busy man. Not only wrestling, but single handedly taking care of all the funeral arrangements of dead wrestlers. Owen Hart, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit and family, Mr. Perfect, Brian Pillman, Earthquake, and all the other dead wrestlers but nothing could have been more special than what he put together for the Macho Man. Funeral arrangements included Slim Jims for everyone in attendance as well as replica belts for all the nerds(fans) attending as well.
Heavenly Ham Safest Place In America.
Remember that Muslims fear the pig. That’s why I am declaring Heavenly Ham the safest place in America to celebrate Osama Bin Laden’s death. Osama Bin Laden, who is being ass raped by 99 male virgins in Hell, was the leader of the world’s largest terrorist network. Men and Women fear his death will cause a retaliation by the terrorist organization although I am going to go on record and say that these dune coons will never catch us off guard again thus there is not reason other to celebrate this great death by enjoying Ham, keeping some of it in your wallet in case a Muslim comes around to throw on them, and of course…..Natural Light and 4 Locos. Join us tonight at Heavenly Ham for the biggest celebration of Osama’s great death.
First Osama Bin Laden Death Pics. Exclusive. JFZ Lives Here.
jfzliveshere.com has obtained the first photographs of Osama Bin Laden dead. More to come.
Osama Bin Laden dead as fuck.
“How To Talk A Girl Into An Abortion For Dummies” by Jordan Zeh
Jordan Zeh’s eleven abortions haven’t been in vein. As a matter of fact, he is become today’s foremost on abortions and how to talk a girl into getting one. Using sneaky, subtle techniques to bold “I’m never going to have anything to do with this child,” the book is soon to be a nationwide best seller for responsible men that know they do not want to have a baby. The book hits shelves in June 2012.
Leviatrex. The Drug.
I recently started taking Leviatrex, a prescription drug for heartburn. If you take LeviaTrex, be extremely careful! Many of the symptoms of Leviatrex began just a few days after taking the medication for heartburn because excessive drinking and smoking. Those symptoms were on the TV and radio ad and about three(3) of them showed up immediately. Symptoms include unindentifiable bloody semen in your stool, dead babies everywhere you go, horrible complexion, severe bags under you eyes, Aids, Chron’s, M.S., M.D, Cerebral Palsy, thoughts of violent homocide, excessive nut sweat, unwanted lots of hair on your ass, and boogers. See your doctor immediately if one or more of these symptoms occur.
This Is What I Did At Work Today
I remember getting up early this morning and saying to myself “Wow, I really want to photoshop a picture of the silly shark with the Soul Surfer Poster. I knew it would be one of the things I could cross off my list today of “Things To Accomplish At Work.” I am sorry it took sooooo long for me to get it up but I went for a long walk from about 930am to noon before I swam for a bit before taking part in my 4 hour workday and beginning a tough 20 hour workweek. Please forgive me!, for I beat the everloving shit out of the system. 
Now kiddos. Go grab silly sharks off the web and crop them onto the Soul Surfer poster and win a weekly prize for the Best One. All entries will appear on my site and 95rock.com! Go!!! Now, I must start #2 of “Things To Accomplish” at work. Time to illegally download some music! 
OH CALCUTTA IS BACK!!! AUGUSTA MALL. AUDIO***
I REMEMBER BEING 7 YEARS OLD AND BEING MY FIRST SWORD AND NINJA STAR. I WAS INSIDE THE REGENCY MALL IN AUGUSTA, GA. MY GRANDPARENTS WOULD EVENTUALLY QUIT ALLOWING ME TO GO THE REGENCY MALL WITH THEM. WHY? BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T GOING. THE SNOW BIRDS HAD EVIDENTLY SCARED THEM TO THE AUGUSTA MALL BECAUSE I WOULD OVERHEAR THEM GOING “THAT PLACE IS BECOME OVERRUN BY CANADIANS.” THEY NEVER REALLY PAID MUCH ATTENTION TO MY BAGS I GUESS BECAUSE I WOULD OFTEN FILL THEM FULL OF UNIQUE TREASURES FROM “OH CALCUTTA.” A MACHETE. 2 MACHETES. A SWORD. A LONGER SWORD. 27 NINJA STAR COLLECTION. ONE OF THE BEST IN NEIGHBORHOOD THAT EVEN RIVALED 5 YEAR OLD JIMMIE MATTINSON. I AM SO PROUD TO SAVE ALL MY EARNINGS FORM RADIO OVER THE YEARS AND BRING OH CALCUTTA BACK TO AUGUSTA! HERE IS THE FIRST MARKETING COMMERCIAL.
THOUGHT THE MAXIM PARTY WAS SOMETHING??? GET READY. THE READER’S DIGEST PARTY INSIDE CATARACTS! AUDIO****
EVERYONE IS GETTING EXCITED ABOUT THE READER’S DIGEST PARTY UP INSIDE CATARACT’S NIGHTLIFE.
Life Goes On. Corky. Painting. Nude on Unicorn with a Dude With A Pancake On His Head with a Dog. Awesome!
This is one of my favorite pieces of art that I own. It is Chris Burke, star of “Life Goes On” with another man and a pancake on his head with a dog riding a unicorn. It is special.
