After 2010 years, Jesus says he “just doesn’t feel it quite yet” to make a much anticipated return back to Earth this Easter Sunday. The 34 year old Christ is the only Savior ever and wants people to freak out when he comes back. ”I want it to be a surprise for sure. I want the F.B.I. to know it’s me as well. I mean, what if they think this is Waco all over,” says the physically fit and great looking Messiah. His best friend Moses calls bullshit and says Jesus is a prankster and you never know when he may return. ”Don’t completely trust Jesus. He will not lie but he does not think it’s lying when he plays a prank on everyone. Jesus wants Christians to be on the edge of their seats but he may also be testing their faith by letting them think they have a few more years or so to get right with The Lord. No one, including me, knows when Jesus is fucking around or being dead serious.” The Lord laughs out loud when saying “I wouldn’t mind coming back and going BRAINS…BRAINS…BRAINS…you know…like a Zombie .” In the meantime, everyone will just have to wait and see what happens.