Top 10 Signs You Know It’s Tournament Week
Top 10 Signs You Know It’s Tournament Week
by Jordan Zeh
10- You run into Tiger at Mae Video.
9-Some sucky ass band “rocks for dough.”
8-The downtown strippers are suddenly fuckable and prefer coke rather than meth.
7-You have a cocky, almost arrogant attitude about being from Augusta—for an entire week—and for one week only.
6-Charles Howell III asks to borrow your badges.
5-People actually buy Augusta Magazine.
4-Wholelife Ministries forces thousands to litter.
3-You blow all of your practice round ticket money on “blow.”
2-Lots of men are dressesd up like…faggots!
AND THE TOP SIGN YOU KNOW IT’S TOURNAMENT WEEK
VEEJAY PATEL HAS RENTED OUT HIS HOME TO VEEJAY SINGH!
This years list is slightly modified as I started this tradition 4 years ago and modify every year. Number 10 last year was “You ride home from the spot with John Daly,” which no longer applies because The Spot is closed(not because Daly isn’t a drunk)….Number 9 was “Building on a 25 year old tradition, you decided not to go see Hootie and The Blowfish,” but I must confess that I am a little disappointed—-mainly because the replaced them with The Goo Goo Dolls but hey—-AT LEAST IT ISN’T CHEAP TRICK!!!! HAHA Other than that, I replaced “queers” with “faggots” on Number 2 just because “faggots” is a fav word right now. So, there you go. Haha….NOW, IT’S YOUR TURN. SIMPLY COMMENT YOUR OWN TOP TEN SIGN YOU THINK IT’S MASTERS WEEK RIGHT BELOW…..
Top 10 signs you don’t care about the Masters, or just fucking hate it altogether
10. you drive an ice cream truck down Washington road that plays “born in east l.a.”
09. you hook a nintendo wii up to one of the LCD billboards and sell turns playing the largest wii ever!
08. you get a bunch of blank dvd’s and pretend they have tiger woods sex tapes on them, making sure to write it on the case ONLY, then tell the judge “the blank dvd is free with the purchase of each dvd-case”
07. you paint a giant sign on a white van that reads “Master bait n Tackle” and drive up Washington road
06. You program a universal remote and go to hooters or any other sports bar and put all the tv’s on cartoon network or PBS-Kids (works at the strip clubs too!)
05. once, juuuust ONCE youd like to fuck on the golf course, during the broadcast ofc, and when the cop asks you what the hell youre doing, you lookem in the face and say, “im going for a double bogey”
04. You get jealous at the amount of money being pissed away because it would be enough to buy you a house and get your ass outta the shit hole trailer you have lived in for 5 fucking YEARS and the landlord STILL hasnt fixed the cabinets!
03. You see hundreds of people on washington road and think “wow, all those rich fuckers, and none of them can use a fucking television”
02. You discover that it saddens you that the ppl youre running over with your car are not Mexican, because there are more white ppl in your way. Then you get pissed off at white ppl for making you feel bad and decide it is ok to run them over too
and NUMBER ONE
01. You wanna see Zeh and Matt paint a parade float shaped like a giant black golf club that shoots mayonnaise while carrying golf balls.
March 21, 2010 at 7:02 pm
This ^^^
March 22, 2010 at 5:33 pm